The Art of Surviving
by whenthestarsfall
Summary: Its been eight years since Gale and Katniss have last met. Katniss is still inlove with Peeta, but she can't help think about Gale. And when they suddenly meet, there's one small problem. Gale doesn't remember Katniss at all.
1. Chapter 1

Blood is everywhere. Everywhere I turn I hear screams and pleads of help, my head feels dizzy, I turn around to see dead bodies everywhere, people that are dying. People that I could've helped, but didn't.

Rue flashes between my eyes, her lifeless body on the floor, the spear still through her, I run to take it out but then Cato appears. He's on the ground, looking at me, mouthing at me "Help" of course I don't hesitate to stick by Rue, but Cato's eyes dig into me, making me feel guilty. Within a second, Finnick is here. He is being attacked by monstrous lizard mutts. He too, is screaming my name. Then Gale, he is not dying. He's not even hurt. Except, he's crying. But, why? I haven't seen this before. A blonde girl, a bit smaller than Gale, probably the same height as me touches his hand, he jerks away. I don't understand. What's happening? Is this another type of torture? Instead of the constant bodies I see every night. Deaths all caused by me. This is another type of torment, the torment where I see somebody who is alive, but is heartbroken. Hurt. Alone. Afraid. Someone who is better off dead than to be breathing. All because of me. The blonde girl speaks in a hush tone, "She's happy without you Gale." Who, who is happy without him? Gale turns back to the blonde girl, "I know." "So let her go." The blonde girl replies. Let _who_ go? "I can't." his voice is hoarse, he's trying to keep it steady but he can't. But why though? "You can't? How can you not, Gale?" The blonde girl's voice rises "She left you, Gale! You were hunting for both of your families, and what did she do? She ran off with that baker! She didn't appreciate you, did she? She was selfish. You loved her, did you not Gale? You were prepared to give her everything, to run off with her. You got _whipped_ because of her! You and your family's _life_ were in danger because of her! And you're telling me you can't?"

The reality finally hits me.

She's talking about me.

_No no no!_ I want to get out. I need to escape.

But my dreams are not finished yet. They're not letting me go that easily.

Because Prim appears.

And I can't handle it anymore, I can't. It's too much. Too insufferable. I feel claustrophobic.

I need to stop this.

And before I see what happens next, I close my eyes and think of the only way that it all stops.

**Scream**.

And somebody is shaking me, who is it? Who is trying to help me? Who, aside from all the things I've done, all the pain I've caused, is trying to save me?

The person is shaking me more violently; this time they're shouting my name. I want it to end too, please.

And then my eyes open suddenly, and I see the face of Peeta. Whose hands are holding my arms, still shaking me. I pant, I'm sweating.

And it all makes sense. The only person who understands me, who _forgives_ me is Peeta. He deserves someone that balances his worth. Someone _not_ me.

He pushes my hair on my face behind my ear, "Shh… it's okay, Katniss... I'm here…"

He wraps me around his arms, and I am too shocked to talk yet. But I need to. I close my eyes and hug him "thank you…" the only thing I say every time this happens, and this happens every night. Nightmares haunt me every night, and I can't stop it.

"Whatever it takes to keep you safe, Katniss." He replies and kisses me on the forehead.

I look up to him.

He and the kids are the only ones I have left.

Everyone is gone.

My mum, she left. Along time ago, she left only a note that said four words. "I will find paradise"

I have searched for her, in every district but I have not yet found her.

I'm thinking that she could've immigrated and in the worse times, think she killed herself. To be with Prim. I know that she blames me for Prim's death. Because there's no one else to blame, but me. Everything is my entire fault.

"Make it stop, Peeta…" I squeeze his shirt and bury my face in his abs because that's the only place I feel safe.

"I'm trying, Katniss. I really am."

And for a few minutes, we are sitting in silence, his arms protecting me and me crying on his shirt.

It takes a while for me to get a hold of myself, like every night. This time it takes me longer though, because once I close my eyes I can only see the scene with Gale and the blonde girl repeating.

I have so many unanswered questions. Who is that blonde girl? Is that Gale's wife? Girlfriend?

The word girlfriend makes me twitch, I can't think like that. I don't want to see Gale happy, unless it's because of me. And I guess that's what the blonde girl meant, _she was selfish_. It echoes in my mind. I feel like someone has pushed me off the edge of "sanity" cliff and into a pool of insanity. And I'm drowning. Drowning in my own madness, anxiety.

The insecurity is killing me.

Where is Gale?

It's been eight years.

Some would think that the dreams would've stopped by now. But not for me. I don't know how Peeta manages it, but falling asleep is my greatest fear.

Is Gale safe? Is Gale alive? Is Gale _happy_? Is Gale married? Does he have kids?

Does he still think of me? Is he thinking about me like I think about him? Does he have dreams about me? Does he still love me?

Peeta lies me down on the bed and kisses me on the forehead and lies down next to me. "Good night, Katniss."

I don't reply. I just think. _Good_ night? There is no such thing, anymore.

I don't sleep for the rest of the night, because I'm afraid. Falling asleep makes me feel unsafe. Like I've left all my guards down, and I can't let that happen. I can't break down.

I don't even know its morning because of my intense thinking until Peeta stirs and wakes up, he rolls over to me, "You didn't sleep, did you?"

I shake my head and I hear him sigh. I know he's sick of me, he's sick of shaking me every night. He gets up and walks out the door.

I wish I wasn't like this. Peeta doubts. I know he does. This is not the girl he fell in love with. I've become so fragile now. I've changed. And I hate it.

I lie down in bed for an hour until I hear the kids shouting and laughing outside and decide it's time to come out.

I walk out and into the kitchen, where Peeta is making tea and the kids have finished their food and were playing all around the place.

"Mummy!" My two little angels shout at me. They are my miracle and I am forever grateful. I love them so much, even though I was hesitant with it all, I realized that what was there to lose (besides my virginity).

And now, I'm so blessed to call them my kids. "You're up early guys!" I tell them and each give them a kiss on the cheek. My little boy, Storm, who I secretly named after Gale wipes it off quickly. Peeta doesn't know of course, but it's not a big deal or anything. The youngest, Tulip hugs me tight and smiles. Peeta and they are the only ones who manage to make me smile. "You both should get ready. Storm, aren't you with me today?" He pauses for a while and whines "Uh! I'm in the bookshop today?" He frowns and walks off to change, Tulip however tells him off "The bookshop is really entertaining! You get to store books and order them by the author's name! And sometimes Mummy lets me have a go at the counter. It's much better than Daddy's bakery, I always smell like dough afterwards!"

Since it's the weekends, Peeta and I have a full day of work. He works in the bakery, while I had set up a bookshop, it isn't popular. But I like it that way, I like it being quiet, but surrounded with enough people so my thoughts can't suffocate me.

We didn't want the kids to stay at home all alone or with anyone else so we decided that they would have to come with us with work. It wasn't trouble because they're old enough to behave and listen. The order was that Storm would go with Peeta and Tulip would go with me, and then swap around. It was Storm's turn to go with me, and he obviously much preferred Peeta's bakery.

On the week-days however, when they have school, Peeta goes to work half- time while I stay home and mind the kids, get them ready for school, drop them to school and then work while they're at school and then pick them up. Peeta goes home about an hour later they get back.

Once Peeta and I are alone I say "I'm sorry." I say, not just because of yesterday, but for everything.

He places the cup of tea and puts his hand on top of mine.

"What for, Katniss?"

For all the pain I've caused you.

"For everything!" I shout, not because I'm mad at him. But because I'm mad at myself "For every god damn thing I've ever done! You're better off without me…" I tell him, and tears explode. "For all the pain… I never meant to hurt you…"

He pauses for a while until he tells me to look at him.

I shake my head, I can't. It hurts too much. His eyes scream "guilt" all the time.

"Katniss…"

And I look up to him.

"You are the best thing that ever happened to me." He rubs my hands, "don't ever think like that again, Katniss! Okay?"

I nod and look away again, and for what seems like I haven't done in a while, I crack a small smile.

"I love you" I tell him, because I do. I have my doubts, but I do love him.

"I know"

Wait, what? Did he really say that?

"What did you say?" I whisper to him, I feel like I've been in this kind of situation before… why does it feel so familiar?

"I said, _I love you too_, why?" He asks, his eyebrows rose.

"Never mind…" but I can't shake off the feeling… that… why did I think he said I know? Why does it feel so…

**Gale**.

That's what I said. I said "I know" when he expressed his love for him. I close my eyes, what a stupid and hurtful thing to say to someone who just told you they loved you. Probably the worst thing you can say.

After we have eaten breakfast, Peeta changes and is ready to open up his bakery.

We are all ready and walk together. The bakery and the bookshop aren't far from where we live.

Silence is between me and Peeta while the kids are having a 'discussion' behind us. (Mostly about which job was better)

"How's the business?" He asks, "well, you know… normal. I suppose, its quiet, I like it that way. But it can be busy." He nods, "That's good." "How about you?" I ask "Oh, its busy most of the time."

"What are they about?" He asks, I look at him, "Um… what are you talking about?" I laugh at how unexpected and random his question was. "Your nightmares…" I gulp, "Oh, the usual. Dead people…" I don't mention the part about Gale because I don't want him to think that I dream about him constant or anything. H e nods, "I'd hate to have dreams like that…" he says "usually… my dreams are about" "losing you" I continue for him. He mentioned that once. He smiles at me and squeezes my hand "Yeah. And you don't know happy it makes me feel to know that you're here. Mine. Forever mine. Nothing can change that, right Katniss?" I smile and hug him tight. "Of course, Peeta."

The kids giggle behind us and I stick my tongue at them, playing along.

We have reached our destination and I give Peeta a kiss and Tulip a kiss on the forehead, "Now, you listen to what Daddy says okay?" She nods "And I know you don't like it there, but you make an effort okay?" She nods again, "Okay, Mummy! See you later guys!" And they walk off towards the bakery while I hold Storms hand and walk to the bookshop.

I flip the "Closed" Sign to "open" And sit down for a while one of the couches.

I hear Storm sigh "It's so boring in here, Mummy! Can we do something fun?" He asks. "Well… not really…" I tell him honestly and laugh at his frown, "But, you can organize these book, how about that?" I pick up a pile of books that I meant to organize yesterday but forgot, "Here you go, put them over to that cupboard, do you see?" I say to him as I point to the cupboard with the letter "D" as these books were all written by authors whose last name began with a D.

He nods at me, but I know he isn't satisfied.

After half an hour, Storm makes fun by laying out books on the table for people to read and fixing the kids section, since all the small kids messed up a bit.

I brush the floor and clean everything to make sure everything is presentable.

And then a lot of customers come by, they ask me for a book, I type into the computer and I tell Storm where to get it by pointing where it should be. It takes him a while to get, but the customers are amused by him and find him adorable and get distracted.

It's already been an hour and a lot of people have been in and out, some stay and read for a while (though I tell them that they can only read the book for about half an hour. We aren't a library)

And then, a stranger walks in.

Well, he isn't a stranger.

He's a familiar stranger.

He isn't even that.

He's Gale.

I open my mouth in amazement and shock.

Gale is in District 12? I blink my eyes to make sure I'm not hallucinating or anything, and he most defiantly is here! Gale Hawthorne! My best friend! My partner in crime!

Well, _was_. But that doesn't matter right now.

He's here!

Except… how come… well, he's not really reacting, is he? It's been three years…why is he acting like… like he doesn't recognize me…

"Hey, can I have…"

I can't handle it no longer, this is Gale! Why isn't he hugging me? Is he mad at me?

I understand… but…

"Gale?" I whisper.

Gale stops talking and looks at me… his eyebrows scrunch and looks at my face for a while.

And what he says next breaks me into millions of pieces. I feel like a spear has cut through me.

"I'm sorry… do I know you?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note:**

**In the last chapter, I stated that Gale and Katniss have not talked for three years. However, I need to change that for two reasons.**

**1. Since Katniss kids are around the age of 7-8 years old in this story, it doesn't add up.**

**2. It isn't convincing enough for Gale to 'forget' about Katniss within the span of three years.**

**3. I have no idea what their currency is in THG. But I know its based on America, right? So dollars is what I used.**

I laugh uncertainly "Very funny, Gale..." I tell him but he doesn't reply and has a clueless look on his face.

I'm sure everyone in the room can hear my heart crush right now; if not then it's the most unbearable noise anyone could hear, as if your insides had just exploded and you have to carry on normally.

"You don't mean to say…?" I can barely whisper, the pain is too much. This isn't real. This is a nightmare. I will wake up and Peeta will laugh at my face once he hears at how stupid this dream was.

Except this isn't a dream. This is reality. I could pinch myself so many times but I'll still be here. And Gale still doesn't remember me. Or maybe I just look different? I mean, how can he forget me? His best friend for so many years… no. It's not possible. It can't be. My eyes are probably playing tricks on me. Or my ears. Or both. But I know for a fact that Gale has not forgotten about me, it's only been eight years…

"Gale! It's me! Katniss!" I desperately try to convince him without disturbing the costumers.

He still stands there dumbfounded, "Look, I'm sorry… but really, all I'm here is for a book and-"

"No!" I hiss at him "_No no no! _How can you forget me, Gale? How can you…" I try to stop the tears from falling as much as I can. I can do this. I'm strong.

I touch my cheeks, expecting to touch something wet. But, surprisingly there is nothing.

I'm not crying.

If only my heart wasn't, that would've been progress…

"Umm…" He doesn't say anything… "Did you save my life or something for me to remember you or? ..."

**What?**

He has the nerve?

"Why? I need to save your life for you to remember me or something? Is that how it is? Huh?" I ask him, I was so mad. How could he do this to me?

"No! I didn't mean it to sound like that, but er, Catnip… I don't uh know you… uh, you don't look familiar."

"Katniss! I said my name was Katniss!" I correct him "Oh uh, sorry?"

I was about to tell him who I was, you know. I really wanted to. Nothing was going to stop me until that blonde bitch girl came in.

"Gale! Come ooooon, we're in a hurry! Look if they don't have it then-"

She pauses for a while and looks at me and then back at Gale "Oh, did I interrupt something?"

Gale is the one to shake his head, "No, I was about to leave…"

"No!" I protest, I will do anything for him to remember me.

"I mean… please, let me find the book you wanted…"

Gale looks back at the blonde girl as if they were sending mind messages to each other. She sighs and nods, "Okay, but only five minutes tops! I'll be outside" Gale nods back at her "Okay, Katrina."

I freeze for a minute. And I could I've sworn that Gale did too.

It's just a coincidence that both of your name starts with Kat, okay Katniss? You're not the only girl in the world. Get over yourself. I remind myself.

"Well, I don't really know the title… or the author." He scratches the back of his neck; well this is going to be difficult.

I nod slowly… "And how exactly am I going to find this book?"

"Well, I remember one line. If that helps." He continues on. "_I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world…"_

I feel my heart stop just for a millisecond because I know that poem. In fact I have learned it off by heart and that was my favorite part. But I continue on normally. I call Storm over and he approaches me slowly, "Okay Storm, look for a book under the section O, called "Having a Coke with You" If it's not there, look for it under H. Okay?"

Storm sighs and takes in the information before walking towards the O section.

There would've been an awkward silence if it weren't for everyone inside the shop, Gale taps his foot and looks around before asking "Storm, huh? Nice name…" He comments. For a minute, I thought that he made a connection, but he obviously just wanted to pass the time it took for Storm to get the book.

"Yeah… I named it after y- uh, a friend. A close friend actually, he moved away for a couple of years and came back… however it's like talking to a stranger…"

Gale nods and I hear Storm make an _oomph_ sound behind me. I immediately walked over and laugh at the state he was in. He was probably trying to reach up to it but was too small. I carried him up and picked up the book. "Here you go" I handed it to him, "you see that man over there?" I ask, pointing to Gale and look at him to see him nod "Give it to him and tells him it costs 7 dollars okay?"

Storm nods at me and hurries off to Gale "Here you go, sir. That would be 17 dollars please." Storm smiles.

Gale laughs "17 dollars?" He questions and I laugh with him, "Noo! Sorry, _just_ 7 dollars please," I correct Storm and send him a dirty glare.

He smiles back to me innocently and I hand Gale the book, a second, just a second. Our hands touch. Physical contact for the first time in eight years. It surprises me and makes jump a little. But he quickly grabbed the book, handed me the money and head for the door and turned back at me.

"Well, I'll see you around Catnip, okay?"

_Katniss_! I wanted to shout. But it was too late, he was already gone.

I slump back onto a chair and sigh and close my eyes.

This is stupid, this is so so stupid.

I want to blame Gale. Just once, I want someone else to take the blame. But I know it would be wrong if he did. Gale didn't purposely forget me.

Because, logically. Who drove him away? Who rejected him? Who never appreciated him? Who took advantage of him? Who hurt him? _Me_.

_I _made him _want_ to forget me. Who wouldn't? Who doesn't want to forget?

This is _my entire_ fault. No one else's.

And I feel like a complete idiot for letting him go. My companion. Someone who would look out for me. Someone who had my back. Someone who I could be myself without being pressured.

**Gone**.

All because of _me_.

"Mummy, what's wrong?" Storm asks, as he notices me, I turn around at the customers; no one seems to paying attention. So really, what does it matter to tell an 8 year old boy? He won't understand. "Well… let's say… you have a dog, right…" He interrupts me "But we're not allowed dogs, you said so yourself" "well, let's just pretend okay?" I reply to him and continue on, "And you uh, had a new dog…" I say, thinking of ways my life related to a dogs "so you kind of paid more attention to your new dog than to your old dog because the new dog was well new, different. Exciting. So you neglected the old dog… nearly forgot about it. But he was still there in the back of your mind. Then suddenly, the old dog is sick of it. He wants someone else, someone who notices him, someone who loves him much more, who will treat him right, fair and just. But, you don't want the old dog to leave, because you just realized how much that old dog is so important to you. You just realized that the old dog has shared so many memories with you that without him, there will be a big hole in your life. You love him but you don't want him to go, you want to see him happy and the only want to see that is to let him go.

So, you do what's best. Because you can't have _two_ dogs in your life. Well you can, except… imagine how hard that would be! The two dogs didn't really go along with each other so you couldn't play with them together. So, what do you do? You let go the old dog, because that's what best for both of you.

And after years and years, you finally meet the old dog again! But he has a new owner, this owner is better than you, in so many ways. And you want the old dog back; you want to make it up for him. You'll do anything, but it's too late. He's moved on. He's happier without you. You can't take him away because he'll be unhappy again… and you don't want that do you? So what do you do?"

I ask him. Even though Storm couldn't possibly have a rational answer, he did.

"Well, Mummy… if that was me, I'd get the old dog. I'd tell him how much I missed him, how it was unfair of me to treat him like that, that it was all my fault, but I'll do better next time. I'll treat him how he wants to be treated and besides Mummy" he explains "you'll never know if you don't try. You need that hole back or else you'll never be the same again… right mummy?"

I have no words to answer him.

How can an eight year old know so much? Who taught him this?

I am looking at him awe.

And then when my brain finally functions and thought about what Storm had just said. I don't even control what I did next. It's my legs and mind had a new controller.

Because before I knew it, I ran out the door and started shouting Gale's name.


End file.
